


Ode to the Veteran

by litspinels



Series: Ode [3]
Category: Psycho-Pass
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 12:55:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22818208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/litspinels/pseuds/litspinels
Summary: Set after part 2 (Days of Night)
Relationships: Kogami Shinya/Tsunemori Akane
Series: Ode [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1640317
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> a long one that you might need to read before proceeding, [here](https://litspinels.tumblr.com/post/190930829532/authors-huge-ass-note)
> 
> not beta read. please don't comment on my fics.

Apparently, being in the same building the whole day doesn’t warrant a guaranteed sighting of the newly appointed head of the Public Safety Bureau, but it’s just his luck that he’s in dire need of a cigarette on such a busy day. Standing on the other side of the doors to the observation deck, he finds her leaning so much on the railing like she wants to drape her upper body over it; not a posture she can be caught doing on the job but certainly mirrors the effects of it. The observation deck is large, and empty, and against the backdrop of buildings that reflect the light of the setting sun, Akane is as small as ever. 

He crosses the threshold, lighting a cigarette as he makes his way towards her. She straightens up and turns to him, prompted by the scent of his smoke, no doubt carried by the wind before he can reach his destination. He waves casually, and she smiles and waits for him to take his place. 

"I have to admit, System Reset was a little underwhelming."

Akane nods. "Everyone's going to start noticing the changes very soon, considering the engagement that the average citizen has with Sibyl on a daily basis. We're only two days in; this wasn't tested but we're already at a point where we only have consequences to face."

"No undo button, eh?"

"No."

"Well. Can't say I have anything against the measures that will be deployed," he huffs bitterly. "An educated decision can only be made by an educated decision-maker, so as much as I want to say it's ridiculous because too many people these days don't even bother making their own choices anymore, I can't deny it's exactly what's needed to navigate this world after the reset."

"You know how I feel about you insisting people don't make their own choices. Something as simple as what to eat for lunch is a decision--"

"And you know that's not the decision-making I'm referring to." He takes a long drag from his cigarette, stepping away to tap the ashes on the nearby trash can. "The ones that matter, like the ones that only you and even I had the privilege to agonize over by virtue of our test scores way back then. It's not something the public is used to."

She steps away from the railing to sit on the bench, tapping the space beside her. "That's where we expect most of the stress could result from."

Kogami disposes of the cigarette and takes his seat, settling in a relaxed pose with his head tipped back so he can view the sky, soon to be swallowed in darkness, only to be reminded that the stars aren't really visible here. "Sibyl being reduced to a button that the public is more likely to press than not is quite ironic."

"It's that versus leaving it all to Sibyl and staying the way we’ve been-- though it's not the type of thing Sibyl itself would have advocated before the reset, now that it's here it all points to the kind of compromise that makes sense, or at least it makes sense enough to them that they allow it."

"Yes, and they have you to deal with the mess of managing it." Kogami cocks his head to her direction, watching the bend of her back that seems already so heavy with the burdens of the world. She contradicts his thoughts with a cheerful disposition, sitting up to face him with a softened gaze.

"Quite the contrary! As you mentioned, the measures to help citizens transition to this new way of using Sibyl are already online. It shouldn't seem like a drastic change at first, especially because you're right, it is predicted that most of the citizens will opt for Sibyl to still make the decision instead, but that's due to force of habit. So if these measures are enough to shake people off that complacency and actually start agonizing over the choices they have to make then it--"

"Means there's an increased amount of predictability for stress-induced cases. And, dare I say, a gradual but positive learning curve that favors the option of Sibyl, rather than Sibyl itself being the predetermined choice without the individual’s take on the management of their own lives.”

“Precisely.”

A grin makes its way to the edge of Kogami’s lips; triumphant isn’t necessarily the word he wants to associate with Sibyl due to his never-ending bitterness of it, especially now that all has been said and done, but the past had never tipped the scales in his favor, and so he doesn’t expect that to change now. 

“Life’s going to be a lot better. For a lot of people.” 

“It’s alright, Tsunemori. You're allowed to give my father credit for that.”

She doesn’t miss the contempt in his voice. It’s not the kind of thing he masks behind his icy demeanor, not especially when it's the two of them alone. "I don't know how I should without undermining what that means to you."

He doesn't answer immediately; instead he stands, and paces silently in front of her. As soon as he does he pats his pocket as if contemplating another smoke, then thinks nothing of it the next second. "You and I have no time to unpack all that here."

"I'm not rushing you to talk."

"I'm not feeling rushed to talk either," he pauses, looking down at her to make sure he's understood. "I'm more compelled to. And maybe that has something to do with my father, whether I wanted it to or not."

"I’m not sure I want to know what you want to do."

"Relax, I'm not gonna murder anyone. Shiomotsuki’s done that job, though I don’t think I’d have cared enough to do it myself." 

She does get up from her seat to block his way, defiant in her stance, hands fisted at her sides. His eyes follow the little detail of her newest suit jacket, where the shirt is nicely folded and the sleeves don't quite fall the whole way; exposing a bit of her forearms and giving him a full view of her wrists. Once upon a time he touched her there; he doesn't give his thoughts the liberty to wander any further. It's been so long.

"I didn't say you were. Stop thinking like I would think the worst of you!"

Kogami almost feels like he's teasing her at this point, with the exception of his inner acknowledgment of the truth in her words. He is not here to taunt her, though. She's already thinking about too many things beyond her own self; he's not about to add any more to the burden she bears.

"Wanna head out? I'm assuming this job is still a regular nine-to-five, is it not? You're technically running overtime now."

Taken aback, she eyes him suspiciously for a moment before accepting his reluctance to pursue the subject. "It is a Friday, after all."

***

Their destination is a hill overlooking the city. They are silent for most of the trip, and he chalks it up to their shared mental exhaustion from the day thus far. He doesn't turn on the autodrive, nor does he start any conversation, being well aware he's cut the last one short and his own stubbornness will hold out as he knew it will. Sure enough, she has fallen asleep by the time they reach the top of the hill, and when he parks the car he doesn't have it in him to wake her. 

Outside, the city lights shine, muted and distant but ever-reaching like something he can't escape. The world around him is changing again, and in his mind the speed is blindingly fast, but slow and dragging at the same time. Akane shifts in her seat, and he turns away from the view to see her come to, rubbing the sleep off her eyes and looking barely rested. 

"How long since--" 

"Just arrived." 

Out of habit, he takes a peek out the window to the sky above. It satisfies him a little, and wordlessly he steps out of the car to lie on the hood, tapping the windshield as an invitation to join him. He props himself up on his forearms as she walks up front, observing her silent reverence to the pretty view ahead. One can say he’s doing the exact same thing. Tokyo  _ is _ beautiful, but Kogami has found his appreciation wane in proportion to his recent experiences. She, at least, is a view he’s only grown increasingly fond of. 

“It feels strange, looking at the city from afar and seeing no difference, but knowing how much it’s changing from within.”

Kogami laughs bitterly, leaning back to lie down with his arms behind his head. The sense of victory doesn’t reach him, but he’s happy for her nonetheless. Proud, even. His father might have initiated the reset, but based on the results of the investigation and his father’s own documents, ultimately it was Akane who had inadvertently given him the ideas throughout her investigations which he had access to over the years. All his father had to do was design the improvements and not get caught in the process. Except he did, and now he's dead.

"You'd think they'd reward you with an extended vacation considering how long they locked you up and made you work immediately after you got out."

It's her turn to laugh, lying down next to him and placing her hands to rest on her middle. The air is getting cold, though she's not showing signs of being affected by it. Kogami tries not to follow her every movement in his peripheral vision, and stubbornly keeps his eyes to the sky. 

"I see my reputation as a workaholic has reached you."

"We've been working alongside each other since your release so it's not like I'm free of participation." 

"Do you enjoy it like you used to?" 

He is satisfied that she's noticed; these days they toe the line between knowing too much and wanting the truth to come from each other's mouths. 

"I don't know."

"Figured. You look a little lost to me, Shinya." 

Akane rolls to her side, turning against the light, casting her face in shadow. He doesn't move to face her; he's not sure he is ready to face her scrutiny, not after hearing his name on her lips after what seemed to be a long time, but at least she's given him an indication that she is feeling a bit cold. That, he can do something about. 

Sitting up, he takes off his jacket and drapes it over her middle. Her eyes are closed, maybe trying to catch another nap. He travels his gaze over the length of her body, pausing at the curve of her hip. The next moment she pulls his jacket up to her neck, and in his distraction at the movement of her shape he is surprised to find her eyes trained on his, softened in wonder. Between the two of them he's always been the one with an air of mystery; the one who so adamantly ensures he has full control of their narrative, even when he gave into his desires those years ago and has since wordlessly created and severed… whatever it was that they had. Who is he to say what they're supposed to be, and where they're supposed to go from here?

"It's not that I'm lost. It's just that I don't want to be here."

***

Akane sits up, and the jacket slides off her shoulder, slow and predictable as it crumples in a heap on her lap. His focus flits back and forth between her eyes and the rest of her body, honing in on her fists balled beneath the fabric like she's holding something explosive in her palms. Her voice comes out shaken at first, then she swallows the lump in her throat.

"Where… do you want to be?"

Kogami shrugs, and wonders if he's just undergone another upheaval. "Good question. Remember how I never got to tell you about my travels since you were released?"

"Yes, of course. I considered it a promise."

"I never promised, though."

"Oh I know. I take full responsibility for how I decide to take your words. Not to worry."

"This doesn't answer your question, but I am reminded of it. Of how I never got to tell you even though we were together all the time."

Akane laughs softly, understanding. "We were in the middle of a huge investigation. It's not the first thing to cross your mind when you're trying to solve a case. But you can tell me now, if you want."

Instead of answering, he slides off the hood of the car, planting his feet on the ground. "I'd rather show you." 

The invitation, laced with the unspoken intention of taking this--  _ them _ , further, has broken down the door he's kept locked under the key of professionalism and etiquette. He steps away from the car to face her, less confident than when he voiced his proposal. And maybe she never meant for him to see her immediate reaction, as her hand stills halfway raised, as if she's in the middle of deciding whether to cover her mouth or keep it clutched against her chest. 

"I'm kidding," he blurts out with a laugh, mildly disgusted at himself. Watching her face fall into denial stabs at his heart, but a cruel part of himself takes it as a success. "I shouldn't persuade a newly appointed Bureau Chief on side trips that have nothing to do with her new role." 

He thinks he sees her bottom lip tremble before she bites it down, getting off the car without acknowledging the words he said. Kogami retrieves his jacket on the hood, where she left it, and takes her silence as their cue to head back. 

***


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been waiting to tell this story for years, even though what you're getting is more of the tail-end part. I hope that by the end of OTTV, you'll understand why. 
> 
> This would not be possible without Kai's translation of the Psycho-Pass World Chronicle [right here](https://kairosity.tumblr.com/post/88468595154/psycho-pass-official-profiling-timeline).

Kogami doesn’t quite understand why he chose not to take her home. Maybe because she fell asleep again, and his mother's house is closer. Maybe what she needs is a warm bed, not another hour in the passenger's seat. These thoughts swirl in his head too late, after he's parked the car and carried her out and inside, muttering a thank you to his mother for opening the door. And when he lays her gently on his bed in the only room upstairs that he frequents, his why remains unanswered, while her sleep remains undisturbed. 

Dutifully, he takes off her shoes and relieves her of her restrictive clothing; her jacket, her stockings. He untucks her shirt and unclasps her bra, moving robotically and thinking nothing of the extra touches required to accomplish his task. He doesn't linger when he pulls the blankets up to her chin, nor does he cast a second glance when he hears her shift before he closes the door. 

***

She sits by the window, reading a book that he sent over a couple of weeks before. He makes his presence known, gently tapping his palm on the doorway before crossing the threshold. Tomoyo Kogami raises her head, guarded, but only for a moment. Still, the weight of her stare slows his approach; a lingering feeling of apprehension settles in the pit of his stomach. His mother sets the book down, waiting for him to settle in his seat. Between them, the coffee table is devoid of their usual fresh pot of tea; just a vase of flowers he assumes she’s picked earlier today, and his ashtray that only seems to belong there because it’s clean. 

These late night visits are not uncommon for them. His job is demanding and often bleeds into weekends, but even he admits he's not visiting her more than he ought to. They’ve cultivated a new hobby since he came back; he sends books over and they talk about them. During the investigation it gave him something to divert his own attention to when the need to tell her the truth struck him. She’s sharp and intuitive; she is aware of the protocols of his job but he doesn’t underestimate her ability to read him. 

Granted, now she’s been informed of what happened even if it had to come from someone else’s mouth, so this talk is long overdue. Coming home, Kogami isn’t at all pressed that his mother looked more delighted at the sight of the woman in his arms than it is to see her son, but at the moment he doesn’t have Akane to use as a shield. 

"I was beginning to wonder if you had been hiding her from me." 

At that, Kogami can’t help but smile. "No, Ma. Just really busy."

"She knows?"

"She investigated it. She knew before I did."

Not even two minutes and he's already aching for a cigarette. “Figured you’d want to hear the truth from me.”

“There’s no way I’d hear it, otherwise.” She leans forward to push the ashtray in his direction, no signs of distress or concern on her face. “Do you want tea to go with that?”

“No,” he says, grabbing a cigarette and lighting it up. He takes a deep inhale without meaning to, without realizing he needed to. 

Officially, Masato Kogami’s death was due to a heart attack, and as one of the people who helped establish and stabilize Sibyl, he was honored for his contributions and mourned for his loss; not that it mattered since the information wasn’t made public. As consolation, however, this “news” was personally delivered by a Senior Officer of the Ministry to Tomoyo two days ago, due to the sole fact that because on paper, she’s still Masato’s wife. 

“He did something he wasn’t supposed to do.”

“And what was that?”

“He tried to meddle in something that wasn’t supposed to be meddled with, and he tried to fix something that wasn’t supposed to be fixed.” Kogami takes a drag from his cigarette, tilting his head back as he exhales a lungful of smoke above. “He got himself killed.”

His mother doesn't look shaken at all by this information; she's never been the type. Her legs are folded comfortably beneath her as she regards his words with interest. 

“But he succeeded, didn’t he?”

Kogami pauses, so stunned that he doesn’t notice a piece of ash falling off the stick in his hand. Tomoyo shifts her gaze to the top of his knee, prompting an even more shaky reaction as he realizes what happened and tries to brush the ashes off unceremoniously. His mother shakes her head, laughing softly. 

It's true; Kogami's father succeeded in that the System Reset still happened despite his death. This included the now irreversible annual measuring and clearing of Sibyl's group psycho-pass, system enhancements that removed Sibyl as the default choice and relegated it to an option, and the rolling out of information systems designed to assist citizens as the system takes a step towards relinquishing control, among others. It’s a configuration unheard of, considering how influential and powerful Sibyl had become ever since it took over the management of civil society.

"How… how much do you really know about this case?"

"Only what you've told me so far, Shinya. No need to worry about a security breach." She pauses, looking down at her hands. "I just think it's the kind of thing he does, you know?"

"I don't. I don't know anything about him."

Tomoyo looks up. She's been waiting to hear that sting in his voice, if only to gauge if this is a conversation worth having. Her son's father has always been a non-subject for the two of them; single parents are not uncommon, and Shinya grew up with plenty of kids who were in the same situation. Unlike his peers, however, Shinya was not created from a selection of sperm donated by men whose physical features are listed, catalogued and priced like a menu in a restaurant. His childhood was simple, relatively happy and problem-free, and he's never expressed interest in his father at all. To be fair, neither of them could have predicted the turn of events, more so at this stage in both their lives. She'd have been happy not to broach this subject for the remainder of her life, for all its complexity and nuance; Masato, if he even cared as much, will just have to haunt her if she starts spouting bullshit to her son.

"I'll go make us some tea."

***

The heat of the cup in his hand is comforting but he hasn’t felt much of a need to drink. He briefly wonders if his mother has an alcohol stash he isn’t aware of, though he’s pretty sure an old bottle of scotch is the only thing strong enough to drown out his impending sense of dismay; by far it’s something only Gino’s collection can provide. 

“I don’t blame you,” he begins, flicking the ash off his second cigarette ever since they moved to the kitchen. “For not talking about him, I mean.”

“Put it this way, Shinya. If you did then somehow, some way, I failed in raising you. This isn’t something we talk about to unearth guilt, because I have none. And while I believe you when you say you don’t blame me, I know you well enough to understand how disappointed you must be.”

Tomoyo rests her arms over the counter. Leaning forward slightly, her son looks back with the intensity she's always associated with another; a man who's never come between them until now.

***

“I was a History major, or at least I thought I was going to be one. This was during the dying days of the university system; the Employee Aptitude Exams and Cymatic Scans have all but rendered it obsolete thanks to Sybil, and the student population dwindled year after year. My field of study, especially, received the least funding from the government in that they did not see a need for humans to fill a role that computers have done a better job at. I was born in 2065, but in the course of my studies I have never seen a historical document earlier than 2030-- both digital and not. It’s funny, thinking about it now. Mass technological advancement went hand-in-hand with factual evidence, and so, perspectives that challenge the things that work and have worked were frowned upon; after all, if someone speaks about something but there’s no record of it, it can’t possibly be true. You can imagine the struggle of the very few of us in a class meant for sixty, asking questions that we eventually realized will never be answered, even after we leave the school. By the end of the first semester there were only five people left.” 

“I met Masato when I was seventeen, while working part-time in the university library. He was using one of the private rooms reserved for professors. As a regular I knew he clearly was not, but it’s not every day you get to see a tall and handsome man spend so much time in a space you normally occupy. From a distance I'd watch him hunch in front of his multiple holographic screens, every now and then leaving the room to grab a handful of books from the shelves, even making me work from time to time when he requests books from the secured section.”

Tomoyo's eyes softened at the memory, shifting her gaze to the streaming liquid in her cup. She takes a sip and puts the cup down to continue.

"By the time I worked up the courage to kick him out of the room because it was late, he responded by flashing his ID without even looking away from his screen. Obviously I was a bit ticked, but thanks to that I found out he worked for the Ministry of Welfare."

Shinya's brows furrow. "That a big deal back then?"

"Only those who didn't have their department listed on the ID but seemed to have all the necessary clearances to do whatever it was they're doing. No one openly talked about the  _ big shots _ those days, and maybe till now they remain as mysterious as they had been back then, but we all knew they were high enough up that ladder that they needed to be discreet. Meanwhile I wasn't very discreet in my awe that he actually found it funny and, though inadvertently, I finally got him to look at me instead. As you can tell, I was so ridiculously smitten at that point. I concluded that he was a bit of a genius-- a bold but valid claim, as I'd soon find out, and that he’s very handsome--” she reaches forward to stroke Shinya’s cheek-- “like you.”

Kogami lets out a long sigh. He figured out a long time ago that he inherited most of his appearance from his non-existent father, but having his mother say it out loud, affectionately, opens up a bitter ache in his chest. He forces a thin smile at his mother’s compliment, eyes downcast when she retreats. 

“He was a lot older than me-- he was 34, I was 17, but while I was a teenager trying to pay my bills, when he was my age he was part of the team who had set up what they used to call the Comprehensive Lifetime Social Welfare Support System, which now goes by a shorter, more famous name. As I’d thought, he truly was a genius, one who lacked the bare minimum of normal social skills. He was awkward, far too smart to hold a simple conversation and did not have friends. That was the extent of the knowledge I could receive about his past, and his present was even more secretive and confidential. To be in a relationship with him meant I didn’t have access to far too many things about him, which I accepted, like a lovesick fool. So if you ever wondered why I never showed interest or pried into your investigations when you became part of the CID, well there’s your answer.”

“I barged into his life uninvited and immediately I tried to shake his world, to squeeze myself in because he was a handsome, single man who needed to be married to a person, not a job. And like any teenager, my naivety would win over my common sense. Ever since I got his attention I’ve become so single mindedly obsessed with making him fall in love with me. I would disturb him while he did his research, I would get his number and call him during weird hours, and-- don’t look at me like that!” Tomoyo laughs, defensive. “I wasn’t completely useless. I would cook and bring him food and force him to eat because he never did. Or maybe he never did because it’s technically not allowed. He was always about doing the right thing.”

Kogami snuffs out the cigarette on the ashtray and decides he's had enough to smoke for the day. His mother's amusement strikes a chord in him; judging by the fact that he grew up without receiving this information from anyone else, she probably hasn't spoken about his father in years. 

“Masato… he was a selfless man. He was almost useless in socializing and as a result we kept to ourselves since I was the only one who had the patience to keep up. On the surface he never had anything else going in terms of personality. If he wasn’t thinking out loud, talking about how to make things better for our country, if he wasn’t holding back his words, his big dreams, because he was saying too much information I wasn’t supposed to be privy to, he was neck-deep in his work, spending long days and nights, pouring his soul into it. He had no purpose in life other than to serve the interests of those who are not him, especially those less than him-- the greater good, so to speak. Everything he did, everything he thought about was for the benefit of others. He would starve himself researching if it meant he got the answers he needed at the end of the day, so that whatever he learned or whatever work he had done could be fed into his projects. I guess that's also why I ignored all the signs saying he didn't care about me.”

Kogami has heard of a version of this story before; it was less personal, more factual. As he watches her mother’s expression change with every word, the ease of disassociation becomes less and less; a slow, steady weight settles in his chest at the thought that he is about to learn a lot more, and that a door he never dared to go close to has opened on its own accord. 

“We dated for a little over a year, but we hardly saw each other. I clung to him with the very little time we spent, never taking those moments for granted. Most women would come to their senses the moment their needs are not met. Even I thought I’d wake up one day and stop my silly infatuation, but the less I saw of him the more I missed him, and the more I saw him the more I wanted him. He never treated me badly, but he never made me special either. I fought for his time, his attention, but I couldn’t have the same love that he gives to his country, and his work. You see, I fell in love with the idea of him: A man who doesn’t hold a gun but has a solution, who loved doing good, who never stopped thinking about making things better for everyone. In my head I thought, who’s going to love him?” 

“Looking back now, I think he was so selfless that he merely indulged me as an act of charity. And before long I began to have this lingering feeling that he had nothing left to give because I was just one person, but many more needed him; his time, his efforts, his love. Well, that or some dumb, higher purpose shit.” Tomoyo turns her head to the side, staring into space with glistening eyes.

“I guess I really loved him, you know?” She covers her mouth and the tears start falling, sliding swiftly down her cheeks. “I was an idiot. I was so enamored, I thought he was lonely; I deluded myself to thinking that he needed me. Imagine that.”

Kogami reaches out to hold her hand, unable to respond at her show of emotion. His mother has never been one to show weakness; she’s always been happy, though at times can be intimidating and stern, she worries as much as she trusts, but she’s loving and kind. Kogami wouldn’t be who he is without her, and so much of how he lives his life has been through her influence and care. She raised him, and gave him everything, and this is the first time in Kogami’s life that he’s seen her look this hurt. He can’t tell if it’s anger he feels, only that he regrets he can’t raise a man from the dead to punch the living daylights out of him. 

The moment doesn’t last; she sets her jaw, wiping her cheeks contemptuously, her other hand firmly gripping his. “I’ve always known that I by myself never motivated him. I was a box he ticked, just one person who had needs he obligated himself to fulfill. Your father was so selfless that he would do anything for me. He would give me what I wanted, he would provide everything I needed. So I married him. Then I made sure I would get pregnant.” 

  
  
  
  


“Then I left him.”

Kogami looks up in shock, at his mother’s weary, bloodshot eyes. As the silence simmers between them, he tries to marry the words said to how he feels, or how he thinks he’s supposed to feel, but they don’t align. He feels empty.

“Surprise...” she says, miserable. Her eyes water at the edges, threatening to spill over once more. Tomoyo holds onto Shinya like an anchor, pursing her lips in a desperate plea. “I packed my bags and left because I knew. I knew you were all I was getting out of our relationship and I was getting you at the risk of not having him for the rest of my life. He wasn't going to care for us, he won't be able to walk away and turn his back on everyone else. He couldn’t love me, but I was selfish! I was selfish but I wasn’t going to stay. I wasn’t going to keep giving and giving and giving and I wasn’t going to raise you in a house without love, I--”

Kogami releases her hand and stands, crossing to the other side of the counter to embrace her. She sobs quietly on his shoulder and his heart breaks, wishing he didn’t bring up the very thing that’s causing her pain. His mother doesn’t have to explain herself at all; she’s held them both afloat and given him a better life than anyone could ask for.  _ She _ is his mother. Nothing will ever change that. 

“It’s okay, Ma. Please… Please don’t be sad anymore.”

“He never loved us… You were enough, Shinya. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I took you away.”

He nods, whispering. “There’s nothing to forgive, Ma. I should be the one saying sorry.” 

She shakes her head. “No. He isn’t--” she pauses, letting out a misty-eyed chuckle. Her own words serve as a reminder; from the first moment she held him as a baby and he opened his eyes, there has never been, nor will there ever be guilt from what she’s done. With renewed determination, she looks up, holding her tears back as she catches Shinya’s face in her hands. He assists, bending down to make it easier and meeting her gaze with a tenderness and understanding that humbles and warms her heart. He’s grown, and though he’s not perfect, he will always be the best man she’s ever known.

“Masato wasn’t your father. I am. I’m your mother, too. And I love you more than I ever loved him.”

It’s at these words that Shinya finally cries, though he does with a smile, and with a heart lighter than when the night began. He embraces her once more, believing everything she’s told him is true. He wouldn’t be here without her, and he will be better because of her, for her. 

“I love you too, Ma.”

***

They dry their eyes, leaving behind the lukewarm tea in the kitchen to sit by the window. A weight has lifted between them, and once again they fall into easy conversation, like how they’ve always been. At the very least, Kogami is relieved to see his mother free of tears. 

"I’ve always had my suspicions on how involved your father was in Sibyl. Those were the early years, and contrary to what people thought about its inception, it wasn’t some monumental societal shift. Sibyl came like a thief in the night, but instead of stealing and leaving, it stayed under the guise of protection and peace of mind-- the happiness and well-being of all, and it lurked until its presence permeated into and affected every part of our lives that we didn’t even realize it came uninvited. This is me talking in retrospect; as you can imagine, the situation was very different back then. We just wanted things to be easier, and when that happened, we accepted it."

"As it ages and each generation from then on gets used to it, the underlying issues just get swept under the rug," he says, turning his packet of cigarettes in his hand and contemplating another smoke. "Well, you know how it was for me, right? I’ve been on a rollercoaster with this whole… thing. If I hadn't been an enforcer under Tsunemori I would have stayed jaded about justice as a whole. The system would have been far worse if she hadn’t come along to right it when it needed to."

Tomoyo smiles, then, observing the contrasting soft gaze that her son shifts to at the mention of Akane's name. 

"This reset is going to change things for the better."

"I don't see a lot of enthusiasm in that claim, Shinya."

He stands, pocketing the Spinels and looking out the window. His mother's house has a small garden where she grows herbs and vegetables. A neat row of potted bonsai trees divide the garden from one of function to aesthetic, and his mother spends most of her time caring for both sides. When he was younger he tried to plant potatoes on his own, wanting to impress her. It didn’t take long for it to become obvious that he did not inherit his mother’s skills; he ended up killing almost half the plants. 

“Remember when…”   
  


“You killed my plants?” She laughs, catching his reflection staring at him from the window. “A mother never forgets her first heartbreak.”

He spent the whole month keeping the house immaculate and doing every errand to make it up to her. The memory lifts the corners of his mouth; simpler times are a lot harder to get by, whether here or in the middle of the city.

"I'm old, Ma."

"Ouch." 

He chuckles. "I didn't mean it that way."

It's starting to rain, and Tomoyo joins him as the first few drops hit the window, hitting the glass with muted taps. 

"I can imagine this place has become less and less appealing to you, especially after the things you just found out."

"I might have been a little forgiving if I were younger," Kogami laments, wrapping an arm over Tomoyo's shoulder. "But I don't know. Before you told me everything I never had any particularly strong emotion about him. That hasn't changed, but the way I feel about this place has."

"And this house?"

"While I have no bad blood with and will always love, is still a part of this place."

Tomoyo sighs. She hoped it would take him longer to reach this epiphany, even hoped that he wouldn’t come to it to begin with, but he’s been everywhere she hasn’t, and his view has broadened, gone well beyond the things she’s taught. It was only a matter of time. 

"When you returned from Bhutan I knew that you were irrevocably changed. I have never been one to hold you back, but after everything that happened since then, I have a feeling you are now at a point of no return."

Puzzled, Kogami looks down at her and wonders if his mother sees what Akane is seeing. 

"Is it because my disdain for that man is manifesting outside of my body? Do I really look like I don't want to be here anymore?"

Tomoyo laughs, stepping away to head towards the direction of her bedroom. Something tells her this isn't a conversation between her and her son anymore. Before she opens the door to her room she turns back to see him, still waiting for an answer. 

"Neither. Just that you look like someone who only has one reason to stay."

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you're interested, Masato was born in 2048. His involvement in Sibyl began in 2065, the same year Tomoyo was born. Was it intentional that Shinya was born in 2084 and I just flipped it? No. I did find it interesting when the math worked him out to be the same age as Shinya in s3 when he had him, even though he wasn't much of a father at all. 
> 
> These fics have always been canon-divergent. DON was supposed to happen before s3, but because I wanted to keep the canon timelines in tact, and by sheer luck nothing that happened so far has shot my fic off into AU territory, here's an idea of where we are:
> 
> 2112 S1  
2113 OTTR  
2116 PP Movie  
2117 Case 3  
2120 S3  
2121 DON  
2122 OTTV


	3. Chapter 3

Kogami shuts the door quietly, turning the lights off to bathe the room in moonlight as he stands in place, letting the current state of his room sink in. The window seat, what used to be his own little nook as a kid, will be where he retires for the night, that much is clear. His body is heavy with exhaustion and rest is only a few steps away, but there's a woman in his bed, and her presence is just one of the things he wishes he could ignore.

Fast asleep, her small, curved frame occupies only a fraction of the space. Her quiet breathing fills the air, the soft sound quells his heavy heart as he finds himself staring, breathless all of a sudden, overcome with yearning as she sighs, burying her face into his pillows. They've never been this close, nor this free, not for years. And it takes all his willpower to turn away, to let her be. He is not entitled to be comforted, but he wonders, with sorrow, if this is the reason why he brought her here in the first place...

He sets his jaw and walks past, finally laying his body down on the soft and familiar seat. Quietly, he unfurls the blanket and arranges the cushions to his liking before turning on his side to face the window. The view is an easy distraction. Normally he would draw the curtains and keep the room dark when he sleeps, but it has since stopped raining and the moon is high up in the sky. Right here, no city lights outshine the stars. 

It's him who needs. 

***

Sleep doesn't come easily, and by the time he wakes from his fifth nap the sun is about to rise and the pain throbbing in his temples tells him there’s nothing to be achieved here. He gives up, getting off the mattress and quietly slipping into the shower. It's a weekend and he vows to make sure that fact resonates in everything he does, changing into a white tee shirt and sweatpants, ready for absolutely nothing. He steps back into the room with a small towel on his neck, keeping his steps light. Akane isn't showing any indication of leaving her dreamland, and Kogami can't find it in himself to be cranky that she's the one who got more sleep.

Alas, he can't keep staring at her either, so he makes his way downstairs, not surprised to find his mother already awake and preparing breakfast for all of them.

"Darling, I know you just got down but can you bring that paper bag upstairs?"

Kogami tries to peek inside the bag but Tomoyo slaps his hand away. "You obviously didn't have the foresight to think about her clothes when you brought her here."

Kogami chuckles. "And you just have a kit ready for when she does?"

"Of course. It's been waiting here ever since you told me you were investigating a case together."

"We're not  _ together _ , Ma," he says, rubbing the nape of his neck with a towel.

"Funny how that didn't come out of my mouth at all," she replies, turning her back on him to resume cooking. "I also packed the gift I wasn't able to give on her last birthday. I thought it would be nice to see her in it."

"Right," Kogami yields, embarrassed. He takes the bag wordlessly and does what he's told like a good son. 

***

Kogami forgets to knock, walking in without preamble to find Akane with both arms up, yawning and in the middle of a stretch. 

She doesn’t seem bothered in the least, brings her arms down to greet him with a smile. "Good morning, Kogami-san!"

He purses his lips, trying not to be offended at the sudden return to formality. "Hey."

Her gaze softens as she turns her head to the window. "I think I know where we are, though I've never been in this room before."

Kogami doesn't mean to, but his eyes immediately drop to her chest, where the outline of a nipple peeks beneath the white fabric of her shirt. Her bra, which he had unclasped last night, has slid down her shoulder. He looks away just as she turns to face him, clearly still oblivious to the state of things.

"Ma got you this. There’s a gift inside," he says, raising the bag before placing it on the foot of the bed. "Bathroom's here," he adds, pointing to the door behind him. "Towels on the rack, toothbrush by the sink… I snuck in Ma's soap and shampoo last night… in case you preferred-- see I didn't  _ not  _ think about this--"

Akane just watches him curiously, pulling her knees up to her chest. Sunny as her disposition may be, he's not going to stick around till she figures out the things he’s done last night. It doesn’t have to be personal. He wanted her to sleep well and she did-- he's not sorry at all. 

"Anyway, take your time. Ma’s preparing breakfast downstairs, I’ll go help her out.” 

She nods. “Thank you.”

The door closes, and she takes a peek at the gap under the door, watching his unmoving shadow for what seems like a long moment. Akane hesitates, then gets off the bed to stand, keeping her eyes on him. Is he listening? Or waiting? Her breath catches, deciding she’d rather ask him when he steps away just as she’s about to open her mouth to speak. 

The thought of calling to him sinks as the sounds of his feet disappear down the hallway. Disappointed, she packs away the fleeting moment of courage that seems to never be at her disposal when it matters most.

***

The first thing she observes is that this room is unmistakably his. His scent, though faint, wafts in the air, lingering after the owner has since left the room. The portion of the bed that she didn’t roll on remains tidy, and because she’s been with him most of the time in the past few months, she deduces that he hasn’t been home for a while either. 

There are books everywhere; on the nightstand, on the floor, on the easy chair across the bed and a few more on the study table, not to mention the bookshelves that lined the bay window-- it reminded her of his quarters in the CID and his recent apartment in the city, except the disarray were not books but folders of case files. Here, there’s no wall of photographs and news clippings, no whiteboard with post-it notes and scribbles in his writing, but she finds at least three ashtrays in the room, and all of them are clean. 

She turns her gaze to the bay window, where the cushions aren’t neatly arranged and there’s a blanket strewn across the seat. It occurs to her that he had chosen not to be near her during the night, even though he made sure she was comfortable in every way. Her free hand clutches the top of her arm, catching the bra strap mid-slide; she rubs her legs together and feels her skin. She's been touched, and all she can think of is wishing she had been awake to remember it.

The room doesn't feel as welcoming as she wishes it could be, despite its warm interiors and the comforting atmosphere that it brings. A poisonous thought snakes its way into her mind, one that's been festering ever since she's had to tell him the truth about his father. If he has his reasons, she can't find it in her to disagree. 

***

She descends the stairs slowly to more familiar surroundings, wearing a loose yellow summer dress with a fabric belt tied at the front to give it shape, its flowy skirt stopping just above her knees. Upstairs, a new pair of brown wedge heels wait in the paper bag at the foot of the bed. 

At first Akane lurks by the entrance to the dining room, feeling awkwardly overdressed compared to Tomoyo and Shinya, who were both looking comfortable in loungewear. She didn’t come here of her own accord, so it’s not like she had the liberty to choose, and she wasn’t going to disrespect Tomoyo by putting on the same clothes she arrived in. Come to think of it, this isn't the first time she's had to wear something from Tomoyo, though the last time was years ago and wasn’t a gift, and definitely very different from what she’s wearing now. 

“Ah, you, my dear, are a sight for sore eyes!” Tomoyo calls as she stands from her seat. 

Akane walks in and makes a beeline for Tomoyo’s outstretched arms, returning her embrace with an equally warm hug. “It’s been a while, Tomoyo-san. It’s really good to see you again.“

“Let me look at you!” Tomoyo pulls back, bringing Shinya to Akane’s view. He’s sitting at the head of the table, staring at her with his chin propped up by his arm. She keeps a conscious gaze at Tomoyo, who’s never looked happier. In the past she’s always looked so calm and collected, though she’s always had a small smile on her face when she talks about her son. The contrast to the way they used to speak before is unnerving, but very welcome. Akane feels like she’s the one being welcomed home. 

“I’m really sorry for not seeing you sooner,” she begins, looking down at the floor. “I should have been the one to tell you but they wouldn’t let me--”

“Nonsense, dear,” Tomoyo says, hugging her again. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”

Akane is glad Tomoyo decided to be her most affectionate today; it’s a lot easier to blink her tears back and pretend this hasn’t been bothering her for a while. When they part, her face is trained with a smile that she knows she means, and when she sits on the other side of Shinya she reminds herself to thank him for not making a fuss of what he’s actually seen. 

***

“I need to kick you both out of the house. It’s a weekend and I need to clean.”

Kogami raises an eyebrow. “It’s only Saturday?”

“And so? You came unannounced hence my plans shall not be changed. Not to worry,” she says, standing to grab the picnic basket from the kitchen counter, placing it in the space between Akane and her son, a huge smile on her face. “I woke up early to have you covered till lunch.”

Akane purses her lips, feeling the heat slowly creep up the back of her neck. “A-ah it’s okay I think--”

“I think--” Tomoyo flashes a harsh stare in Kogami’s direction--“that it’s a wonderful day to take a stroll around the neighborhood Shinya grew up in.” She turns to Akane with a softer gaze. “Take your mind off things.”

He is less reluctant than unprepared for his own mother’s spontaneity, so he is beside himself when a chuckle makes its way past his lips. Kogami looks Akane in the eye, half-serious. “She’ll kick me out if I don’t do what she says.”

Akane relents, unable to hold back a giggle. “We don’t want that.”

Kogami leans back in his chair before standing up, eyeing his mother with resignation. “It’s settled, then.” 

“Good. Don’t you dare step out of this house looking like that, either.”

***

“There used to be a train station, five minutes walk from here,” Kogami says, walking a few steps ahead on the abandoned railroad tracks, picnic basket in hand. “Express train to Yokohama, to Tokyo, basically anywhere that mattered, but they closed it a few years ago. The nearest one is now fifteen minutes drive.”

“Hmm.” Her eyes are busy, looking left and right at the endless rows of trees on both sides, distracted by the sound of birds chirping and the crunch of gravel on her feet. She looks up, watching the canopy of leaves shielding them from the sunlight, and almost bumps into Kogami, who had turned around to wait for her. 

"Sorry--"

“Too different?”

“Not a bad kind of different,” she replies with a smile. “Wanna tell me where we’re going?”

“Lake. There’s a shortcut right--” he stops, turning left to a beaten path through the trees. “Here.”

Kogami leads the way, careful not to walk too fast or slow, and trying not to be overly concerned about their inappropriate clothing, or specifically, her footwear. He might have gotten away with just a pair of jeans in place of sweatpants, but his mother’s judging look at the foot of the stairs had him running back to his room to change his tee shirt to a more “decent” button-up. Truth is they could have gone to the east side of the park, closer to the center of the neighborhood, where the fully cemented streets might be an easier time, even though she's not showing signs of discomfort during their little hike.

"My friends and I used to take this shortcut. Gave us an adventure that the streets couldn't provide," he muses, looking back to make sure she's keeping up. She doesn't disappoint, and he wishes the path were a bit wider so he doesn't have to walk ahead.

They reach the clearing to the west entrance of the park. It's a secluded spot, compared to the more popular east side where most of the facilities have been updated with playgrounds and bike paths. This place doesn't boast a lot of amenities, but the shade from the trees that line the lakeshore are as abundant as the soft breeze, and the view of the lake is unmatched, still and peaceful waters with a backdrop of the lush green hills on the other side. He places the picnic basket in one of the seats underneath a large maple tree and follows Akane, who has walked past him towards the steps down the bank of the lake, where she's opted to take a seat.

Akane is speechless, just staring as the collective beauty of the scene in front of her. The lake is so wide, surrounded by rolling hills, yet so silent and unintimidating; all at once she feels the yearning to touch something she can't reach, and finds it amazing how literally small she truly is. She takes off her shoes, chancing to dip her toes in the water and immediately retreating at the cold. Her cheeks were aching, and she realizes with glee that it's because she's smiling far too much.

"It's beautiful here," she says, tilting her head to the sound of Kogami's footsteps. 

He is in the middle of lighting up a cigarette, gazing at her in amusement. The tip burns, he takes his first whiff of the day and sits down. "Glad you think so. I used to hang out here with my friends after school, trying to find new hiking trails or just taking a swim. Back then these steps weren't even cemented, it was just the earth meeting the water. We were often told not to swim."

Akane tries to imagine a younger man-- no, a boy, playing along the banks of the lake. It's easy because she knows what he looked like as a kid, thanks to Tomoyo showing her old photographs way back when she used to visit her in his absence. "By that look on your face I say you completely ignored what you've been told."

"Yeah well, I wasn't the only troublemaker here. It was a group effort." His laughter cuts through the sound of the birds and the rustling of leaves. Akane finds herself savoring it.

"Summers were hot and we had a huge lake to cool us off, though we truly pushed our luck when we tried to swim to the other side. A parent spotted us and panicked. Since then," he pauses, pointing to the "No Swimming" sign at the edge of the shoreline, "not that they could stop us, of course."

Akane laughs. "Breaking rules since youth huh? Who would have thought." 

"We were smart enough not to get caught, just so you know.”

“And did you ever reach the other side?”

“I wish I could tell you I did, but I didn’t even make it halfway.” He chuckles, tapping his cigarette in his pocket ashtray. “It’s a big lake.”

“Indeed, it is.” Akane purses her lips in an attempt to bite back a giggle. It’s nice hearing him talk about his childhood, even if it’s about an activity she’s never been very fond of. “And these friends of yours, are you still in touch with them?”

This time, he frowns, apologetically. “I also wish I could say I am but, I'm not even sure where those friends of mine ended up. I went to high school in Tokyo and didn't come home often, even after graduation." 

"This neighborhood is small and has only gotten smaller. Ma's got friends, our neighbors ever since she moved here." Kogami leans back on his elbows, welcoming the soft breeze on his skin. "When I come home these days I just stay home. Never really felt the need to go out and… mingle."

"Seems you haven't been home in a while, either, have you?"

Kogami smiles, exhaling the last of his smoke and disposing of the stick. "Got me all figured out."

"It's not a hard conclusion to arrive at," she murmurs, hugging her legs. Times like these she wishes she had him figured out in the way she wanted to, then maybe she'd know to properly deal with the heavy weight in her chest. 

Kogami watches her, noting the subtle change in her tone. He's not one to feel uncomfortable in silence, especially theirs, even though as of late they never seem to know what to say. A question finds its way to the tip of his tongue, but he hesitates, knowing this probably isn't the right time.

"I first learned to skip stones here," he says instead, hoping to distract her. "If I recall correctly, my record was ten."

Akane cocks a brow, suddenly interested. "Just ten?" 

Taken aback, Kogami stands, already hunting for the perfect stone to show off with. "You can do better?"

She gets up, following him with her eyes. "Actually, no. Teach me?"

Kogami looks over his shoulder and does a double-take. Only then does he realize that he's been waiting for her to ask; the image of her against the backdrop of the lake, one hand in her hair and the other holding her dress from the wind notwithstanding. She looks as if she’s afraid he’ll say no, which is ridiculous, though he admits his silent stare is not helping her think otherwise.

“Of course,” he replies. At once, her face breaks into a smile that he couldn't help but return. 

“Good! And don’t take my word about questioning your skills, I don’t really know what I’m talking about,” she explains, expression soft. 

Kogami shakes his head and turns away or risk staring at her for longer than intended. He’s already taken liberties in bringing her here; this is indulging, a little bit too much. 

“Come help me find stones to throw.”

***

"I set us up for failure," he mumbles through a bite of ham sandwich. "The steps elevated us too much from the water and it's not giving us the space we need to throw out as hard. The wind is a bit strong, too…"

"We could go down the lake?" Akane suggests, stretching her legs out as she slips off her heels, rubbing the soles of her feet on the soft grass. 

They've retreated beneath the maple tree after numerous attempts, Kogami only managing six skips at best, with most of their tries sinking very fast after hitting the water. Akane didn't fare very well either, what with having to hang on to her skirt every so often. The wind hasn't done them any favors, and after exuding all that energy she's glad to feel the cool wind on her skin. It's refreshing, but it's not enough to quell her dissatisfaction.

"It shouldn't be that deep, right?" she wonders, staring at the water and holding the sandwich to her lips. "In fact…"

She hastily wraps up the sandwich and puts it back in the basket before quickly rising to her feet and tiptoeing back to the lake, grabbing the stones they weren't able to use earlier. Kogami chokes on his last bite, tossing the wrapper in the basket as he trots after her.

Akane dips her feet in, poking her toes out for something solid to step on. 

"Hey-- wait!"

Kogami has caught her by the hand, pulling her back right before she puts her other foot in. "Wait."

"It's ok, I can--"

He grips her tight, insistent. "Being close to land doesn't mean it will be shallow. You don't know what you're stepping into."

"But I can swim!" The words leave her mouth like a knee-jerk reaction; a defense from the shock of his touch. In his brazen protectiveness and warmth against her palm, she is unsure whether or not to be offended. 

"I know," he reminds her, loosening his fingers but keeping a firm hold. He struggles with an excuse that he's ready to admit, and when it clicks in his brain he makes a mental note to thank his mother later.

"You shouldn't--" he blurts out, waving a hand at her--"the dress. The dress is--" 

"Oh! Y-you're right," she stammers, blushing. She steps away from the water immediately, avoiding his stare. 

Kogami lets out a shaky exhale before letting her go. He proceeds to sit, toeing off his shoes and removing his socks before rolling his pants up to his knees. He stands, then, offering a hand for her to hold. “I’ll go first.”

“Fine.” She takes his hand and they slowly step out from the bank. 

The soil underneath is soft, nearly sand-like but with a few bigger rocks and stems of plants tangling between the spaces of her toes. The cold water nips at her skin, but she bites down and walks on. They don’t get very far; Kogami stops after judging the depth just below her knees is sufficient, relinquishing his hold when she’s caught up alongside him. 

“How many stones do you have?”

“Uh,” she opens her palm to count. “Just three.”

He takes them for inspection, tossing away one that's too thick to use. He hands a stone back to her and steps to the side to give her space. "Just so you know, I still don't think this will help but I can see there's no talking you out of it."

Akane rolls her eyes. "I just want to achieve more than two skips. Shouldn't be too hard, right?"

Kogami watches her take the stance, noticing her other hand clutching her skirt. "Wait--" he grabs her forearm--"let go. I'll hang onto it."

He manages to gather up the fabric in his hand, stooping down a little to give her room to maneuver. "Pretend I'm not here. You have two tries to… get three skips or more," he says, unable to hide the tease in his voice.

"You didn't do so well either so don't be too cocky about it."

His tips his head as a sign for her to get on with it, his overconfidence failing to mask the honesty in his voice. "I'm rooting for you, actually." 

"Well, then." Akane exhales and pulls her arm back, gripping the stone and grounding her feet beneath the water. She braces for the throw, sending energy from her shoulder as she drives her arm forward, flicking her wrist to release the stone. In an instant she knows that it's a failure when a strong breeze meets her before it even hits the water; the lake swallows her attempt, managing only two skips, yet again.

"Argh! That's not fair!" She calls out in frustration. 

Kogami covers his mouth, trying not to laugh. His shoulders are a giveaway, shaking like they do, and so when she faces him he tries to placate her with a look that says "I told you so". She does join him then, bursting into laughter as she grabs the other stone in his hand and carelessly throws it over her shoulder. The stone meets the same end, hitting the water with a resounding plop. 

“Not my lucky day, I guess?” 

“Yeah, but...” Kogami lets go of her skirt, for his own benefit. Being out in the open like this, once again he’s driven himself into a corner, unable to resist the pull of her, and the joy that she keeps digging out from this otherwise normal circumstance. She heads back to the bank as he watches in her wake, feeling desperate for her attention. 

“The wind seems to want to keep kissing you.”

Akane has both feet on the first step. Sure enough, a soft breeze lifts the hair on the side of her cheek, and the skirt that she’s abandoned hanging onto sways beautifully; Akane bows her head, merciful enough not to comment, but kind enough to let him see the ghost of a smile that pulls from the edge of her lips. 

***

"It's a long weekend," she muses, staring at the leaves swaying with the breeze, and the clouds peeking in between the branches. Even after last night’s sleep, the park’s atmosphere and her full stomach is tempting her enough to take a nap. She manages to stifle a yawn, but the rest of her body seems to have other ideas. "Can't believe I forgot about it."

"You probably didn't intend on taking advantage," says Kogami, mildly accusing.

Lying on her back like this certainly feels like she is. The softness of the blanket, the smell of the grass, the sounds of the forest all working against her; she yawns openly this time with watery eyes, submitting to a moment of relaxation. 

She hears the click of his lighter and tilts her head to watch. Kogami sits casually with his back against the maple tree, unaware and strangely distant, staring at the lake. It takes a few tries, but the breeze lets up and he succeeds, bringing a smile to Akane's face as she looks away and closes her eyes. She thinks of that first whiff, that distinct scent of burnt paper once it’s kissed the flame, the pull of his inhale and the release of the smoke through his lips. Once upon a time she had a reason to find it addicting; the scent was a fragment of a past, of a man that she clung to, something that held her up even in her darkest times. Things have changed. The smoke is no longer addicting, no longer a piece of someone she’s chosen to let go of. 

Because he’s  _ here _ . 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> akane's [dress](https://i2.wp.com/gonchas.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/HTB1uY.6HVXXXXaWXFXXq6xXFXXXh1.jpg?w=457&ssl=1)
> 
> the lake is based on Lake Sagami, in Midori ward where Ko's mother currently lives. I took liberties in describing... I wouldn't call it the prettiest, (no offense) but I needed to look at something that's there. 
> 
> thank you for reading, i really appreciate it but please don't comment on my fics. 
> 
> finally, happy birthday, akane. you're forever my queen.


End file.
